Looking around the universe and questioning

Every wonder why you're here?

Okay, I indulge in navel gazing from time to time. It's only occasionally productive. So today, I'm wrestling with a new step in life.

About a year and a half ago, I took on the job of leading worship at my church. I already teach the adult Bible Study class (middle and senior - basically everyone my age and up). That is rewarding. I love it. But, while I love singing and all that music stuff, I feel wholy unqualified to lead worship. But, with our pastor leaving and no one else able to do the job, I agreed to do it.

Then we got a new pastor. He has a great voice and has actually been a music minister before. He asked if I wanted to stay on as worship leader. I declined and gave my reasons (basically that I felt I was filling in and that this wasn't my calling). He asked if I'd stay on as the start to a worship team with him. I agreed. It's actually been fun to sing with him. He's got a great voice and an awesome sense of humor. All I really do is sing the songs.

Well, a few weeks ago at choir practice, he announced a new direction the music ministry of the church would be going. He announced to the choir that I would be taking over leadership of the worship team...WITHOUT TALKING TO ME FIRST.

Now, I ask you: would you have been flumoxed? I certainly was. So I stared wrestling with it. Then, when he asked for committment from me and the others he was asking to be a part of the team, I was able to affirm that I was ready to take a new step. Maybe I should say I was willing to take a new step in faith!

So, here I am. Almost 40 years old. Sunday School teacher who wrestles with her own demons now embarking on a whole new ministry. It makes Sunday a VERY busy day. I thought that the first thing I should do is study what the Bible has to say about worship. Why we do it. How it should be done. That sort of thing.

The very first site I find tells me that I am grossly sinning. Women should not teach men. Women should not lead men. I attended a Southern Baptist church most of my adult life (we go to a Nazarene church right now). Although I believe to the depths of my soul that God has placed within me the specific gift and desire to teach adults, I still question it. Even though He seems to be leading me into this role of worship leader, I still question it.

A wise man once told me that church leaders supported slavery with the scriptures for centuries. I look at those same scriptures and just can't figure out how they did it. This wise man then suggested that some day, many years hence, we'll look back and wonder how church leaders were able to support keeping women out of ministry using those same scriptures.

I would guess many of you don't rightly care about this sort of thing. But it really keeps me up at night.