It's been a difficult season

So I'll just come out and say it. This has been a hard season. Everywhere I turn, I'm faced with reminders of loss. It used to be that when I looked at pictures of my niece and nephew, I'd feel a sense of shock. Like being hit on the head with something heavy. Now, it's overwhelming sadness. I guess I've gotten it through my head that they're really dead. Some days are easier than others, but when it's not, it's really bad. Today has been really bad.

I'm not getting much accomplished at work today. I need to, but it feels like my arms are weighted down. My eyes won't clear. As I posted earlier, I seem to be offending people left and right. I guess I just miss my life.

I miss having dinner in the evenings with my husband and kids.

I miss cleaning house (well, having the time to do it really).

I miss my kids talking to me and sharing their days.

I miss snuggle time with Nick.

I miss seeing David.

I miss being respected by my daughters.

I miss kisses.

I miss having the courage to pursue my dreams.

I miss having time to spend with friends.

I miss family.

I miss friends.

I miss being able to talk on the phone.

We did our Christmas Cantata at church yesterday. It was the hardest one I've ever done and it's left me with a desire to never sing again. Maybe I just need a nap and some lunch.